Teens
Knowing the Ropes Can Be a Lifeline
By Mary Fagan
Sep 19, 2006, 17:49 We are always calmed and assured then we find someone who has been through something before us. This includes parenting, which can mean weathering some rough storms.

In the beginning, we set out in calm and placid waters of diaper changes, runny noses and dribbles that we somehow learn to ignore in one of parenting's first miracles. Their whining doesn't rock us and when asked about our babies, they walk on water. These are the tender years.

The joys of the first smile, the first words and the tentative first steps are all treasured and stored safely in our mental photo albums. Even the "terrible twos" leave us with a proud smile at how creative and ingenious our little ones can be when there is something they want. It's a good thing these tender memories are stored away because soon we will need to cling to them for dear life.

I mean the turbulent years when a mutiny takes place. A few months after the hormones begin to flow, your once mild-mannered son or daughter will take on some salty characteristics. You overhear words coming from their mouths that would make a sailor blush. They get tattoos and pierce body parts that would be considered torture if you had suggested it. One minute they are sweet and mild, and the next - bam - pure sass. It's as if someone kidnapped your child and warped and twisted their personality like knotty driftwood. But hang on!

Fortunately, there are other parents to lean on that have found their sea legs. Anchored to past parenting experiences, they gently break the news that you are not the only parent ever told they were stupid, hated, mean, old fashioned, a dork or the only one to say "no." The first time these things happen, they hit hard, but revived with the realization that you are not the only parent listing to the stern, you can survive a roiling adolescence as it rolls in, and over you, again and again and again.

You may have to return to the experienced parent once in a while for reinforcement. But trust me, we treasure the times we can throw a lifesaver to a wretched fellow parent filled with self-doubt, saving them from second guessing and that sinking feeling that they are losing it.

Whether it's their first experience with PMS, backtalk, swearing, or disagreements over clothing, I will not let any recently christened parent walk the plank alone. To prevent them from going overboard, I have developed a set of special greeting cards, individual lifesavers I can toss in their direction when they need a little sweet something to pull them through.

I keep these special inspirational cards for parents experiencing a "first time" in my desk - my own little guidance office - ready for a rescue. Each has a line of wisdom and a line of advice to navigate through these turbulent times. So far, these cards have saved seven parents from chocolate overdose and ten from self-induced baldness.

Even with these successes noted, I realize my parenting support cards may not be as sophisticated as advice from Dr. Phil, but in a storm, any port will do.

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About the Author(s) : Mary Fagan has an M.S. in Education. She has successfully navigated two of her three children through puberty, and is currently in the white water with her son. Her lighthearted views and commentary on parenting are featured at www.motherwise.us.