Glass of Water For A Drowning Mom
By Lisa Barker
Feb 26, 2009, 11:11
My son is a big complainer when it comes to
folding laundry. He’s only seven, but I think he’s capable and this will be a
good skill for him as an adult.
Nevertheless, I am constantly thinking of
new ways to present this chore without his getting into histrionics. Recently, I
called him to my room and showed him my five heaping baskets of clothes. His
eyes bugged out. I asked him if he would like to fold these or his own. He very
cheerfully volunteered to do his own.
But being the stickler he is for
'fairness' he soon returned with half the basket full of clothes. "These are not
mine."
From the center of the mounds of towels I was folding, I asked him
if he could fold the extra clothes anyway.
"But they aren't
mine."
So I tried guilt. "Fine. Thanks for letting me know I can't count
on you."
He didn't crack.
So, I tried philosophy. "Son, if I were
drowning in a lake, would you give me a glass of
water?"
"What?"
"If I were drowning, would you give me
water?"
"Oh," he said, and left the room with me feeling rather smug. I'd
successfully avoided a heated confrontation with philosophy! Who says
stay-at-home-moms don't use their college education? I congratulated myself on
how smart I am and how smart my kids are. And while I was glowing with these
thoughts, my son returned...with a glass of water. He had a gleam in his eye,
too.
That's how it is with kids. You have to possess the faculties of a
lawyer just to stay one step ahead of these munchkins. When you succeed you
gloat and enjoy the moment because you're going to fail the next seven moments
in a row.
For instance, while I was folding clothes I heard the sound of
the lid on the cookie jar being removed. "Who's in the cookie jar?" I yelled
down the hall.
"Nobody!"
"Who is
nobody?"
"Nicole."
"What are you doing in the cookie
jar?"
"Counting them." Suddenly, the nobody that was doing nothing in the
cookie jar was taking a census.
"That’s the worst attempt at lying I
have ever heard."
"But I'm not lying."
"That's another lie and if
you keep this up," I warned, "you might end up being President of the United
States someday."
Meanwhile, my son returns with a glass of
milk.
"What’s this for?"
"You said you can't drink water if you're
drowning," he says with a further gleam in his
eye.
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. My kids are so bright they know how to feign
stupidity. Just hand me another glass of water. It makes perfect sense to me.
