Humor Burn Fat At Night
By Lisa Barker
Mar 23, 2009, 21:16
I actually got an email making the claim that you can burn fat
while you sleep. For those who have read me long enough, you know that I have a
love-hate relationship with my bathroom scale—just like every other woman on the
planet—but I actually try to reason with the thing.
“Oh, come on! You
mean one extra scoop of ice cream nets me two pounds? I drank all the water the
experts say to drink! That’s what it is, isn’t it? You’re weighing my water
content, aren’t you?”
No answer.
“Fine. Be that way.”
I
always mean to never speak with the scale again, but the next morning there it
is mocking me with my three non-favorite numbers 1 – 8 – 7. Phooey.
Does
your scale make weird sounds? Mine groans. And mumbles. No, it’s not my
husband—he’s snoring away in the bedroom. It’s definitely the scale making some
smart remark about my binging after 7PM. “Who asked for your
opinion?”
“You did.”
Yes, it’s time to lay off the ice cream
sundaes before bed! The last thing I need is for my husband to haul me off to
the mental ward because I think the scale speaks back.
Wouldn’t that be
great if you really could lose weight while you slept? You go to bed a size 2X
and you wake up a size 16. (Small steps.) And each morning the scale
congratulates you for your triumphant eight-hour fat burning session.
The
key to selling weight loss aids are advertisements that play up to our wishes no
matter how unrealistic they may be.
-Burn fat while you sleep! -Eat
everything you want and the pounds just melt away! -Never exercise again and
look like Britney Spears! -Lose weight eating all the junk food you
like! -Chocolate will make you live five years longer!
Yes, I
sometimes succumb to the temptation and buy some of those magazines in the
check-out line. You have to admit that the ‘before’ and ‘after’ pictures look
really promising and there’s not a hint of digital touching up. Even though you
have a picture of a woman claiming to have lost 200 pounds by eating only
birthday cake juxtapose a picture of the Pope being pelted by rocks from outer
space, there’s a part of you that wants to believe the outrageous diet
claims.
Maybe it is possible. There’s probably some strange chemistry
between the cake and the frosting that burns fat when the moon is full and
perfectly aligned with Venus.
The other night my husband caught me
stuffing cake in my mouth by the light of the refrigerator. With whipped cream
on my nose, I met his rueful stare.
About
the Author(s) : Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker and syndicated through Parent To Parent™ and is available for newspapers, websites, e-zines and newsletters. Here's all the info you need to publish Jelly Mom™: http://www.jellymom.com/editors-pubinfo.php
